Tears

"Though He slay me I will trust in Him."

-Job-

Ok... If you do not know my story please go to my very first blog post here... http://nanachnoahidetojudaism.blogspot.com/2012/09/a-little-background-information.html

and here http://nanachnoahidetojudaism.blogspot.com/2012/09/immersion-into-holiness-holy-of-holies.html

Ok so maybe I am crazy... it certainly seems that way!! I am in such a prison... Once can not imagine the deapth of my pain!!! Fanatic fine maybe but I cannot help it! Who in the world can one love as much as my G-d! None it is not even a little possible!

Hashem has stolen my heart!!! One says to be faithful in a marriage but when the love of your life, is the G-d of the world how can it compare? Doesn't that sound wonderful? I assure you however it is not! I live in prison! In constant torture! Surely my sins I being purified! Oh for all my sins it would cost me my whole life! God my love and king have mercy on me!

The orthodox will not have me, And the conservative I cant get a conversoin with cause it wont be vailid? Why? And even if I did it truly is not possible to keep the whole torah not in a communtiy and not married to a Jew with at Jewish family...

Do I sound ungrateful? Like a bad Husband or father!? I promise I love them all! With my whole heart just as well... Or else why would I still be here in this place... Oh God the pain is great, but still I love... Have mecy on me God of my life and love of my heart and deliver me from this prison!!!

Do I sound a bit dramatic??? Maybe I am exagerating!? Let me ask you does the spirit of the words I speak, seem to be so? Oh my heart is broken... I feel as nothing is left.... Oh God save me..

"Though He slay me I will trust in Him."
-Job-

Yaakov

Slay the Evil Inclination

 

I see that the main point is self-sacrifice for G-d, for the Torah. Wisdom is also good, but the main point, the basis, the main point of Judaism, of the Torah – is self-sacrifice, the strength of will!

-Saba-

 

The main thing is the will, and not to fall, that is the main thing. Not to despair and not to fall, only to renew oneself at all times. To start anew. To draw close to G-d in truth, with all one’s strength. To overcome with great determination.

-Saba-

 

I saw that the main point is dependent on the heart, according to the will –

-Saba-

Keeping your mind intently focused on your goal can also help you in studying the Torah. For example, you could focus intently on the thought that you want to complete all four sections of the Shulchan Aruch . You could calculate that if you study five pages every day you could complete all four sections in a single year. Picture in your mind exactly how you will go about this course of study. Concentrate so strongly that you are literally obsessed with the thought.

The same approach can also be applied to other studies, such as the Bible or the Talmud and its commentaries. If your desire is strong and your concentration sufficiently intense, your plans will be accomplished.

Sichot Haran #62

 

 

This to me seems can be very applicable to our Yetzer Hara.  I believe honestly that the greatest battle any of us will ever fight is the battle fought within. Saba says "I see that the main point is self-sacrifice for G-d, for the Torah. Wisdom is also good, but the main point, the basis, the main point of Judaism, of the Torah – is self-sacrifice, the strength of will!". The strength of will. It seems so hard but it can be done. we must strengthen ourselves and slay the evil Inclination!!



So many times I find myself falling, and so I get up everyday, and start over only to fall again!! But we must get up.. and keep trying and starting over everyday...

The main thing is the will, and not to fall, that is the main thing. Not to despair and not to fall, only to renew oneself at all times. To start anew. To draw close to G-d in truth, with all one’s strength. To overcome with great determination.

-Saba-

 

It is a battle we must fight, if not it is a battle without a doubt we will lose! We must care! We must strive, we must chop the head off this yetzer hara! We must keep the torah, and fight to keep it everyday, and when we fall we must get up, and if we do finally, finally with Gods help, we WILL SLAY THE EVIL INCLINATION!

 

I believe the story of David and Goliath can definitly be also a representive of the giant task we face overcoming the evil inclination. But with faith in G-d and strengthing of will we can overcome it, we can win.

 

G-d be with us all. Nn!