Well it has been a Journey! And the Journey continues! I don't know what I am doing! But I am following Rabbi Nachman and praying daily for conversion! My friend Yosef Saban gave me great advice! Never Give Up! Death First!
So I will say I will never give up! Death First! And in my dying breath may I be worthy to say; as Rabbi Akiva and so many others:
Shema Yisroel, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Echad!
NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN!