Sunday, September 30, 2012

Merge ino You



 
The only way to return to the roots of one's being and merge in the unity of God is through nullifying the self. One has to efface the self completely until one becomes wholly merged in God's unity. The only way to achieve this state of self-transcendence is through hitbodedut. By secluding oneself and giving voice to one's inner thoughts in the form of personal prayers to God, one is able to remove all negative traits and cravings to the point that one nullifies all materialism in oneself. Then one is able to become merged in the Source.
-Rebbe Nachman-
 
This is all in this world I have wanted! This whole time, I have been chasing a phantom, I want to be Jewish soooo bad, I want to convert, more then words... But what is it I truly seek? This is it! This is it! Union with my Love! Unioin with that is such that I no longer even exist! Totaly merged into Hashem that there is nothing left.. Right now.. I need to accept my situation, and keep praying to Hashem for Israel... For conversion...But maybe I need to stop and evaluate what it is I am truly seeking here... Because this is it! And Rebbe Nachman tells us how to achieve it right here!
 
The only way to return to the roots of one's being and merge in the unity of God is through nullifying the self. One has to efface the self completely until one becomes wholly merged in God's unity. The only way to achieve this state of self-transcendence is through hitbodedut. By secluding oneself and giving voice to one's inner thoughts in the form of personal prayers to God, one is able to remove all negative traits and cravings to the point that one nullifies all materialism in oneself. Then one is able to become merged in the Source.
True hitbodedut is practiced in the depths of night, at an hour when everyone is free from their toil in the material world. During the day people are so busy chasing after the material world that it distracts the spiritual seeker from attaching himself to God. Even if he personally is quite detached from the material world, the mere fact that everyone else is then busy chasing after the vanity of the world makes it very difficult to attain self-transcendence at such a time.
Hitbodedut must also be practiced in a special place outside the city on a "solitary path" (Avot 3:5) in a place where no-one goes. For in a place where in the daytime hours people are busy chasing after the vanity of the world, even though they may not be there at this hour, it is still a distraction from hitbodedut, making it impossible for the spiritual seeker to attain the state of total communion with God.
For this reason it is necessary to go alone at night on a solitary path to a place where no one goes even by day. There one should seclude oneself and empty one's heart and mind of all worldly involvements until one attains the state of true self-transcendence and communion.
This is a step-by-step process. First the person should devote this solitary night-time hitbodedut to talking and praying to God at length until he succeeds in nullifying one negative trait or desire. Next he should devote his hitbodedut to working on nullifying a second trait or desire. He should go on like this night after night in this solitary spot until he nullifies everything.
Even then, something is still left of him, namely some residue of human pride and arrogance. He still considers himself to be something. He must persist with hitbodedut and carry on working hard until he nullifies this too, until nothing whatever is left of him and he is in a state of true self-transcendence. Then, when he attains true nothingness, his soul becomes merged in its root, namely in God.
Likutey Moharan I, 52

Friday, September 28, 2012

Hashems will...My way??

 
Before you can find God, you must lose yourself.
-Baal Shem Tov-
 
Ok, Somthing is not right here. I tried to talk to my wife today about moving to Israel and converting, I really succeeded in nothing but causing another big argument. This all happend right before I went to work and she had left her phone at her grandmothers when visiting her yesterday. So today I had no way to contact her all day. I hate arguing before I go to work, and specially when there is no way to contact her the whole day.
However this really worked out good for me, because it caused me to think more about it. You see my life feels like it is falling apart latley! Not only has everything on the planet seemed to go wrong, but the arguing with my wife has escalated, over this Israel and conversion thing. It just doesnt seem fair to be honest with you. I want to convert soooo bad. Hashem owns my heart! But here I am acting like a total jerk. I know Hashem wants me to convert! I know it! And there is really no question! I want to move to Israel very very despertaly! But here is the thing...
What is Hashem and what is me? The truth is... we lie to ourselves all the time... We or I should say I maybe, force myself to believe and act a certain way even though we know it is contrary to how we should believe or act, or to what Hashem wants! I know Hashem wants me to convert! I Know I need to move to Israel! But is this how I am suppose to act? Is this how he wants it to happen?
Maybe I am going about this all the wrong way! You see I dont have to where my tzitzit out and kippah if it bothers my wife! I can tuck them in, and put on a hat! I don't have to be so vocal about my beliefs all the time, I can try to celebrate the holidays without being so forceful on everyone around me (although my kids love it) I can be with Hashem in the presence of a crowd and not half to say a word.
I don't half to fight and argue about Israel! None of this will change her mind.
I still feel I need to go about my way to Israel, and convert... But just maybe instead of taking Hashems will and doing it my way... I should listen to His voice and try it His way..
 
Just a thought.
 
Ps. My wife is a very good person whom I love very much! I only bring this up to show my actions were wrong. And maybe someone else who is going through something similuar can learn from my mistakes..
 
Ps.s. Also this applies to all areas. Are we taking Hashems will and trying to do it our own way? Our we lying to ourselves and shutting out the voice of G-d... Or are we listening? I think if we listen...really listen...there we will find His peace.

P.S.S.S  Oh yeah, just want to get this straight, I am still wanting to go to Israel ASAP and convert! The goal hasn't changed, just maybe I should try to listen to Hashem and correct my methods. Being kinder and bringing more peace into the home.
 
Yaakov

The Bird in the Tree


The Baal-Shem told a parable: “Some men stood under a very high tree. And one of the men had eyes to see. He saw that in the top of the tree stood a bird, glorious with genuine beauty. But the others did not see it. And a great longing came over the man to reach the bird and take it; and he could not go from there without the bird. But because of the height of the tree this was not in his power, and a ladder was not to be had. But because his longing was so over-powering he found a way. He took the men who stood around him and placed them on top of one another, each on the shoulder of a comrade. He, however, climbed to the top so that he reached the bird and took it. And although the men had helped him, they knew nothing of the bird and did not see it. But he, who knew it and saw it, would not have been able to reach it without them. If, moreover, the lowest of them had left his place, then those above would have fallen to the earth. ‘And the Temple of the Messiah is called the bird’s nest in the book Zohar.’”
BUBER, MARTIN The Legend of the Baal-Shem-Tov

Now this story in its context, in the book I was reading I believe was talking about prayer. But how much this also speaks of conversion! Judaism representing the bird, the people whose shoulders are stood on representing the people & teachers used to get to the bird (Judaism).

Notice he says this "But because his longing was so over-powering he found a way".

May we merit to find away also, by the Grace of Hashem and the merit of the Tzaddik!

Love you all!

Yaakov

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Descent into Darkness




 

Broken....Failed.....Again, I have fallen to the evil inclination. I want to be a Jew so bad! But I continue to fall! A fast day I eat, I get up and say my prayers too late alot of times. As a matter of fact I fail all over the place. In so many area's... I am begining to wonder... if I can do it! Maybe I cant? Maybe I am not strong enough! Yom Kippur! Yom Kippur! I failed, on so many levels! Decended into the pit of the deepest darkness! I just cant seem to keep the laws, or anything! I just keep failing! And then I fall into such depression! Someone Rebbe Nachman I need a savior! Saba help me!

"Never Despair!"
"Never Give up!"
"Each day is a new day! Each moment is new!"

"NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN is a segula for every problem and situation!"

"Through saying of this song NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN all the judgements are sweetend and everything is transformed to good".

"This song NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN fixes and heals everything!"

 "NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN lifts man from absolute descent to absolute ascent!


NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN !!! 
NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN !!!
NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN !!!
NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN !!!
NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN !!!
NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN !!!
NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN !!!
NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN !!!
NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN !!!
NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN !!!

Yaakov

The Land of Israel


Who ever wants to be a Jew-which means going from level to level- can only succeed through the land of Israel
-Rebbe Na Nach Nachma Nachman Meuman-
 
 " The lesson "Nine Tikkunim" in Liketey Moharan 1, 20 speaks at length speaks at length about the greatness of the land of Israel and how the real victory in the war comes when we succeed in reaching there. When the Rebbe actually taught this lesson he started it in speaking about the land of Israel, saying, "whoever wants to be a Jew- which means going from level to level- can only succeed through the land of Israel. When he wins the war he is called a 'man of war' but not before. "For let know one girding on his armor boast like the one who is taking it off" (1kings 20:11). Only after winning is he called a 'man of war'. "It was after this was after this that the Rebbe started talking about the soul which is the source of the Torah explanations. He raised his voice and said "There is a soul etc" as printed in the state of the lesson. However, when the Rebbe dictated the lesson he started from here, even though in teaching it originally he had started with the Land of Israel.
  After he finished the lesson, when we were talking, I asked him, "what did you mean when you said that the Land of Israel is so great that this is the main victory?" He took me to task for this, and said, " I meant Israel quite literally with its houses and apartments". In all his emphasis on the greateness of the Land of Israel, he meant quite literaly the Israel Jews go to. He wanted every Jew who wished to be a true Jew to go to Israel. Even if he encountered many obstacles he should overcome them all and go, because the main victory is getting to Israel. This is what inspired and encourged me more then anything to overcome the innmerable difficulties I myself had and break through everything to get to Israel. Thank G-d for helping me to break through th obstacles and get there and back safely".
 
IIISSSSRRRRAAAAEEELLLLLL!!!!!
 
Yakkov
 
 
 

There is a fire burning in nanach, put that fire in my heart!



Before you can find God, you must lose yourself.
-Baal Shem Tov-
 
With all my heart I searched for You;
Psalms 119:10
 
"The whole world is a very narrow bridge. And the most important thing is not to be afraid."
Rebbe Nachman of Breslov
 
A constant search we find ourselves on. Always seeking as in "with all my heart I searched for you", and trying to transcend this life. And somehow, some of us manage to do it. It seems The true worship of G-d, is not in finding the truth, but, rather, in an honest search for it.

 
 

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The Petek is for All!


Conversations from the Life of the Saba, pgs. 106-107:
He [Rabbi Nachman] gives me a sign – the sign is “the 17thof Tammuz” – something that not even one person knew about. So, so I saw that this was [written] to me, but from the beginning it’s not written “Yisroel Ber Odesser”, it’s not written, only “my student”, a name is not written, it’s not written who it is. And in truth this is all of the words of Rabbainu – they are generalizations. All of the teachings and all of the conversations and everything the passes over each and every one. This is the thing of Rabbainu – it is not [just for] one person [but] for each and every one of Israel, for all Israel, yes. So this, also this, it is a generalization – “It was very hard for me to descend to you” –not to me [but also] to you and to you and to you. He wrote to everyone, yes, yes. “To tell you that I greatly enjoyed your service and upon you”, the entire Petek is speaking to each and every one.
 
Now above we see that the petek is for everyone!  It is written to all of Israel! Who is all of Israel? Well, we see the petek says "to tell you I greatly enjoyed your service", who is speaking? Rabbi Nachman, Are you a follower of Rabbi Nachman? Then he is speaking to you! Who is Israel? There is a spot where Rabbi Nachman prays to merit to be a real Jew! Rabbi Nachman prays this? So what is a Real Jew? Also the story about the chamber of exchanges!

Rebbe Nachman says "To tell you I greatly enjoyed your service".

This is for you! For me! For us all!

Then He says," Upon you my fire will burn"! That is Upon You! Us!  This letter is for All!

ONLY BELIEVE!!!!!

Yaakov

Monday, September 24, 2012

Screaming for frustration, stress, confusion, letting go


AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that feels a little better!!!

yaakov

Sunday, September 23, 2012



"A person is led on the path he chooses to walk". -Makot 10b- 


I got desperate awhile back...You know just wanting to be a Jew soooo bad..., although I knew better, I thought maybe if I convert Conservative, I can practice the laws Orthodox, and just be Conservative in my conversion, Knowing it would not be excepted by Orthodox I thought... but maybe G-d would except it.... I know better then this..., but after years of striving and struggling, this could be a easy way out! I talked to the Conservative Rabbi on the phone... Very nice guy! Definitly NOT ORTHODOX! But he continued to invite me to his community and to bring my family... I new as I talked to him that I could never do this, that for me ONLY ORTHODOX & ONLY BRESLEV! So anyway I was polite and finished the conversation and hung up. My wife then says, she would start going to synogogue with me if I wanted to go to that one, she just didn't want to go to the Orthodox one (chabad) because she felt they made her not intentionly feel less then, and that they always wanted money. But she would go to the Conservative one!! I tried to sway her to the Orthodox, but she wasn't changing her mind, though she did let up a little.


The conservative Rabbi I talked with kept telling me it is impossible for me to be a Orthodox Jew in Redmond Oregon, it is impossible to keep all the laws! Don't worry about it! I know it sounds crazy but what kinda a Jew would say that? It must have been a test! The evil inlclination, will do what ever he can to keep me from the true faith!

The truth is who do I learn torah from? A conservative jew? He doesn't keep the torah! How can he teach it!? This was the big revelation for me here! I want to learn torah! But from one who knows Torah? Who lives Torah! The conervative Rabbi kept telling me you cant be a orthodox Jew alone! I need community and there is none here, except his. But I kept thinking about Saba, and about R. Israel Karduner, R. Israel Karduner seemed to live it alone, why cant I?

The truth here is, this relationship with G-d, me not being able to convert and living how I am, is kinda of what is bringing so close to Hashem, I feel closer to him then ever, I am kinda scared now that when I do finally fulfill all I have prayed for, this beautiful relationship of striving to be a Jew may dissolve, May G-d have mercy and that never happen.

With Love Yaakov

Comments are defintily appreciated!

pz Nanachs!

Saturday, September 22, 2012

What does the Torah say about converts?



 R’ Eleazar said that G‑d only exiled Israel amongst the nations so that converts would join the Jewish people.

It is a particularly striking notion that so traumatic event as national exile should be seen as having a divine use. The use had to have been considered so valuable that it justified such an exile from the promised land.
-Convert.org-
 
"This was Moses' life work, even after his passing. He strived to draw the masses (the Erev Rav) to God, and after his passing he was buried opposite the idol of Beit Peor, so that the nations would convert (Deut. 34:6). For this reason he passed away on shabbat afternoon, which is a time of favor, in order to sweeten all the twenty-four courts of Law, in order to cause converts."
-The Outpouring and revival of the spirit-
 
"He will Redeem Israel from all its sins, which is a aspect of making converts through the supernal pidyon."
-The Outpouring and revival of the spirit-


"Jews also saw missionary impulses in the actions of their founders. Abraham's journey from Haran to Canaan with "souls" whom he had gotten was understood by the Rabbis to mean Abraham had made converts. In Sifre Deuteronomy, 313, on Deuteronomy 32:10), Abraham is described as so successful a missionary that God became known as King of the earth as well as King of heaven. In Genesis Rabbah 39:21 Abraham is considered a missionary. In Avot de-Rabbi Nathan, 23a, Jews are urged to bring people "beneath the wings of the Divine Presence" exactly as Abraham had done. The word "convert" is used loosely when referring to Abraham's efforts. Abraham invited non-Israelites to join the Israelites; the formal notion of religious conversion did not emerge for some time. Many other examples of missionary efforts by the founders of Judaism can be found in aggadic literature, such as in Midrash Hagadol, 397. For example, Rabbi Hoshaya believed that Isaac sought converts. Jacob is considered to have done the same (see Genesis Rabbah 84:4). Rabbi Samuel ben Nahman believed that Joseph would not distribute food to the Egyptians unless they became circumcised (see Genesis Rabbah 90:6 and 91:5). Moses expounded the Torah in seventy languages, according to one midrash, because the Torah was meant to be heard and embraced by all humans. Several sources, such as Exodus Rabbah 1:29, note that prior to slaying the Egyptian taskmaster, Moses foresaw that there would not be a single convert from the among the taskmaster's posterity; it was this perception that justified the death."
-Convert.org-

Rabbi Akiva was a very well known son of converts. Indeed the Talmud lists many of the Jewish nation's greatest leaders, who had either descended from or were themselves converts. In fact, King David is descended from Ruth, a convert to Judaism. (Ruth 4:13-22). And the descendent of King David is even to be the Messiah! So the Messiah will be descended from King david, which means the messiah will be descended from a convert!
-Wikipedia-

Halakha forbids the mistreatment of the convert, including reminding a convert that he or she was once not a Jew.
-Wikipedia-


 I am sure there is much more, much, much, more and as I come across them I will put them up. Please be patient and keep checking!

NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN!!!

Yaakov
 
 
 
 
 

Orthodox Jewish Conversion Links



“God exiled Jews from their homeland for only one reason, to increase the number of converts.” (Pesahim 87b)

Every one has to find there own path home. How you get there is up to you.  "A person is led on the path he chooses to walk". -Makot 10b- 

I am only trying to offer you some links for your own research..

There are lots of harships with conversion. For me at this point I am choosing somday when I am on the postion to convert, to take maybe the non-tradtional way, and go to Israel and convert there. It is my understanding that conversion in Israel and America, is entirley different. And that America makes everything much more difficult, I don't know, this is only what I have heard. Here is a link below, describing the some of the diffuculties we face as potential converts. I debated on weather to share this article and decided that, one should know what they face. If one's heart is sincere, you will have to fight for it, conversion is like a war, constantly battling, constantly striving and just when you think there is nothing left you are renewed to fight again! Never Despair! Never give up! Even if G-d himself tells you no don't convet! Keep fighting, Keep going! Argue with him! Never take no for a answer! Fight with your dying breathe! Even as you exhale your final breathe, Never Surrender! If you can do this... You will make it!

And some encouragement below:

Rabbi Akiva was a very well known son of converts. Indeed the Talmud lists many of the Jewish nation's greatest leaders, who had either descended from or were themselves converts. In fact, King David is descended from Ruth, a convert to Judaism. (Ruth 4:13-22). And the descendent of King David is even to be the Messiah! So the Messiah will be descended from King david, which means the messiah will be descended from a convert!

Halakha forbids the mistreatment of the convert, including reminding a convert that he or she was once not a Jew.

Be encouraged! Go for it! You can do it! Never Despair!

Be strong and courages my friends!
NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN!!!

yaakov

Come my beloved to greet the bride

Come my Beloved to greet the bride- the Sabbath presence let us welcome!
Safeguard and Remember in a single utterance The One and Only God made us hear. Hashem is One and His name is One for renown, for splender, and for praise.
To welcome the Sabbath come let us go, for it is the source of blessing, from the begining, from antiquity she was honored, Last in deed but first in thought.
O sancuary of the King, royal city Arise and depart from amid the upheavel, Too long have you dwelled in the valley of weeping. He will shower compassion on you.
Shake off the dust arise! Don your spendid clothes, My people, through the son of Jesse, the bethlemite! Draw near to my soul redeem it!
Wake up! Wake up! For your light has come, rise up and shine; Awaken, awaken, utter a song, The glory of Hashem is revealed on you.
Feel not ashamed, be not humiliated, why are you downcast? Why are you disconsolate? In you will My peoples afflicted find shelter. As the City is built upon its hilltop.
May your oppressor be downtrodden, And may those who devoured you be cast far off. Your G-d will rejoice over you, like a grooms rejoicing over his bride.
Rightward and leftward, you shall spread out mightily, and you shall extol the might of Hashem, through the man descended from Peretz, Then we shall be glad and mirthful.
Enter in peace, O crown of her husband, even in gladness and good cheer, Among the faithful of the treasured nation Enter, O bride! Enter, O bride!
Come my beloved to greet the bride-the Sabbath presence let us welcome.
So tonight Sabbath begun... Unfourtunatly I had to work!!! I know right?? Some Jew I am huh? It brakes my heart to half to do such a terrible thing... I do want to be home, celebrating Sabbath with my family, eating good food. As I mentioned before not living in a community and my family not wanting to convert you can imagine how much my Sabbaths when I do get to have them, how far away they are from the real thing. Oh Hashem please have mercy on my soul! It is breaking! So at work tonight, where I was instead of celebrating Sabbath the way I wanted to, and should have been, I found myself desiring His (Hashems) heart, His love, His presence.. And here I am a million miles from the finish line, just begging to be near. Every one took a break, and being the sun had set already, I went outside to say my prayers. I sat down and prayed.. Looking for something then in my siddur to help me to pour out my heart to the lover of my soul, I found this. I spoke it quitley, and calmly, letting my heart collide with eachword, loving being so much in his presence, I never wanted to leave. This above is what I read.
Shabbat Shalom
Love Yaakov

Friday, September 21, 2012

Never Despair!



I heard this song years ago, I always found it very inspiring. But I heard it again, and it really spoke to me.. I have been listening to it for days! I made some minor changes my changes in bold. This song is done by a group named Jimmy Eat World. The name of the song is Middle. Read this people and know this song aplies to you, it is for you! All the noahides out there in the process of conversion, wanting to, but things are stopping you, people are making comments, you feel rejected by the rabbis whatever it is your going through, "Dont write yourself off yet", Read this song, and believe!

"The Middle"

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

It just takes some time, little girl/boy you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.

It just takes some time, little girl/boy you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl/boy you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.

It just takes some time, little girl/boy you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl/boy you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
 
If you can download it from somewhere, listen to it, over and over, today at work, I just put it on repeat!
DO NOT DESPAIR!!! THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE
 
Till next time my friends
 
NA NACH NACHMA NACHAN MEUMAN!!
 
Yaakov

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Immersion Into Holiness ~ Holy of Holies


And so it is, the Holy of Holies. Where I live we do not have a mikvah. I read about Mikvah, many times. One day talking to a friend I decided, I was ready.. I wanted to go to the Mikvah. A Mikvah can be a river or other natural bodies of water.

The waters of a mikvah must gather together naturally. One may not just use tap water. They must come either from an underground spring or from rainwater; which may then be joined with tap water. If spring water is used, then the water can be flowing. However if the source is rainwater, then the water must be stationary. The ocean, halachically, is considered a spring. Thus, even though the water is flowing, it can still be considered a kosher mikvah. Rivers and lakes are more complicated, because the source could be either rain or spring water. If the river dries up during a drought, then its source is rainwater. Since a mikvah which comes from rainwater must not be flowing, therefore such a river would not be kosher. A river which does not dry up could probably be used as a mikvah.
-Mikvah.org-

  So as I was saying, where we live we do not have a Mikvah. I had read about it and decided this somthing I wanted to do. I had planned the night before to go to the mikvah come morning. So when I awoke... I got ready... Washed in the shower, brushed & flossed my teeth, cut my fingernails and cleaned them.. Got dressed. But I didn't just get dressed. For me, I was going to meet my G-d. I dressed nicer then normal, and prepared for my trip to the river (mikvah). I walked aways and had a hard time finding a private spot. For those of you who don't know, you are not suppose to wear anything in the water. No clothes, rings etc... I heard from my friend that he takes his clothes off while in the water, giving him more privacy and allowing him to be more modest. This was a plan, I decided to follow. Through walking through the river looking for a spot, I had my towl around my neck and my flip flops on, of course I was fully dressed at this point.. but through this walking through the river, I fell, soaked my towel, fell a few more times causing me to scrape my knees  and foot bloody, then losing my shoes! So I am standing there soaking wet, watching my sandels float down the river! Ahhh! Talk about tough huh? But hey, it was all for Hashem!
  Finally I found a spot. Got into the water, removed all my stuff and went in. Now underwater, I stayed under as long as I could! I just screamed HASHEM!!!!!!! HASHEM!!! With everything I had in me (of course I screamed meaning in my head.) I came up, and I did it! I finally did it! I got out of the water my whole body was burning it was so cold! This was one if not thee holiest expierence I have ever had in my life! G-d was there, And I left feeling totally sanctified!
  I decided to do this everyday! That is everyday I can. I found a much better spot now, and I have gone a few times since then. Not everytime was a huge expierence, but when I go out to the mikvah, it feels so holy. On my way walking to my spot, I do hitbodedut the whole way, just me and Hashem! It is beautiful! And no one and nothing in this world can take away, the relationship, that I have recieved from doing this. I thought I read somewhere that the Baal Shem Tov said one should not go longer then 3 days without going to the mikvah, I could be wrong it may have been someone else. But I would say for me! I must go everyday, and definitly no longer the 3 days!

I encourage everyone to make this a routine in your daily life! Jew or Non-Jew, it doesn't matter! Remember we are being born into a new life, a new nation, this takes time, we cannot become holy overnight! One foot in front of the other. Do your best, that is all Hashem asks!

May we all merit to be Jews!

Until next time my friends,
Yaakov

NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN!

What is Nanach? Here Are some links..






I will add more. If I think of them, but really here is more then enough, to get one going. I will make a actual post on it soon, just thought I would get these out there, for now.

http://nanach.org/

http://www.nanach.net/

http://www.zissil.com/topics/Na-Nach

http://www.nanach.name/



NA NACH NACHMA NACHMAN MEUMAN!!!

A little Background Information




Who am I? How did I get here? Well my name is Yaakov. It used to be Ryan. Why did I change it? "A new person needs a new name. That is why the rabbis instituted that converts should choose Hebrew names for their new Jewish lives". So thats why! I am a new person! G-d is constantly bringing me through new things, challenges that help me grow etc... This...that is conversion to Judaism, is a process. It doesn't happen overnight! Although we would like it to..  :-)
  So here is a quick run down of my story.... I grew up in a non-religous home as a kid... I got into alot of trouble, met a girl when I was 17. We got married had 4 kids together. After my first kid, I started going to church..., (by the way my oldest is 11 yrs. His name is chandler, then Jociline she is 10 yrs, the Makayla who is 7 yrs and Rose who is 4 yrs.) I got "saved" and did the church thing heavily for awhile till it got old... then got out of it for awhile only to return full on and then to become part of the staff and a intern to be a pastor. I led two mission trips to mexico, to build houses for the poor and "minister" to people. Though my last trip was a tough one, I had started comming into Judaism and learning alot about the xan faith that I couldn't make work! way to many contradictions... However I stuck with a little longer and finally, I could take it no longer, Judaism had stolen my heart! I resigned my position in the church, and quit going..
  I began to study Judaism alot!! It was a little harder to "get in" then I thought it woud be. I kept getting rejected! You see the problem here was..., my wife, didn't want to convert! She is still, even to this day a christian. Orthodox conversion, not happening.I began to think maybe G-d didn't love me as much? Or maybe...well I didn't know. Maybe there was a religion out there for this gentile that would let me in.. So I began my search... Eastern religions, etc..., But Hashem kept calling me home. I had all kinds of wonderful expierences in which Hashem would speak to me in that still small voice or through mircles etc..! Finally through my searching, I had no choice but to come home, And the truth is, I am still coming home...
  The path is filled with obstacles! Just when you think you are there BAM!!! You get hit by a mack truck doing 60!!! First and formost, One should know that one only needs Rebbe Nachman in this world! Rebbe Nachman is the only one who can help! (and of course G-d! But when Rebbe Nachman is helping it is Hashem who is Helping) There are many, many Rabbis out there who will hurt you.. They will only help you for money! Or treat you less! Or maybe even be nice to you but you kinda get the feeling you are second class!! This is true!! If you havent expierenced yet you will! But the truth is... The world has gone crazy! The Rabbis Corrupt! Now I am not saying all Rabbis are corrupt! Some of my nanach friends may disagree, but I think some of them are genuinly good people, just misguied! The blind leading the blind!
  The truth is Nanach! That is it! One day I was surfing you tube looking for Jewish videos or something and I came across these crazy looking Hassidic Jews dancing in the street! I loved the song so I listned and watched the video often, it made me happy! One day I decided to google these guys. I googed Nanach and I actually got a website!!! I was blown away!!! I thought the whole thing must be some big joke!!! The website is here nanach.net and also nanach.org! After reading this I thought wow These guys are out there! but the more you learn, the more you understand!! We really shouldn't expect the truth to be so easy to find! If it was, everyone would know the truth already! Holiness, is somthing we half to come into, slowly and in stages, in a process. One cant go from wicked to Holy in a second.., it takes time, the Holy is veiled!!!
  So I began to tell people about nanach! They would say that is crazy! who can believe such a thing! But the truth is, most these people where xans (chrstians) Who believed the whole resurrection story! Who's crazy here anyway huh? LOL! So what is Nanach? Well stay tuned and I will tell you!
  So to sum it up here. I am married with 4 children. I have been married for 11 years together 12 and a half yrs. I love her very very much. My wife does not want to convert, she is a (chrstian). I do, I want to move to Israel she doesnt. The problem this creates is I cannot get a orthodox conversion as long as I stay married to her unless she converts. Talk about impossible! well please stay tuned for what is nanach and more about the noahide and nanach!

Pz

Na Nach Nachma Nachman MeUman!

Yaakov