Friday, November 30, 2012

G-d be with me

"I did not look at this world, at reknown and pride and importance and fame, to the contrary this had no value for me, I valued only truth..."
We will pray to G-d that He give us people of truth, faithful and true. I saw people faithful to G-d and to the Torah and they have true faith, I need to hear words of truth that will enter my heart, not words of inanity.
 As you know I am deeply troubled about being Jewish and such. At this point there seems to be no way out. I don't know how or why Hashem would do such a terrible thing to me but I suppose as bad as it seems it must be for my own good. The thing is I only want truth! I am interested in nothing else! Not religion either! I suppose I can have truth without being a real Jew. And so I believe at least for now this must be my ultimate direction. I am unsure of what the future holds... Only G-d knows, that I have sought after him with all my being. I have tried to be true to his voice and find him in all places. My love for him is deeper then the deepest ocean and after all I must believe he knows this. If I still have not merited to join the jewish people then it is his will, and his will is mine as well. I will continue to plea with him daily but I think maybe I must move on.. There is truth in nanach! When I dance to nanach the whole world disapears, when I read saba's words or watch his videos or read rebbe nachman everything seem brighter. I love nanach, Saba, Rebbe Nachman & I always will. But until G-d will let me in, It seems the place I am in, is exactly where I am suppose to be. I will not call myself a noahide mainly because I believe the term seem less then, wether or not intended that way. I will say I am a man, who is deeply in love with his G-d, Such a love that all other things dissapear in light of that. For me, there is nothing else. G-d be with me.
May I merit to be a Real Jew soon!!!


Thursday, November 22, 2012

Orthodox Jewish conversion?

This was sent to me in a email; any thoughts?

"The Orthodox Movement (Union) was founded in 1898. Their claim to being the only authentic version of Judaism simply isn't correct. Due to the Haskalah (Enlightenment) movement of the late 1800's a group of rabbis began the Orthodox Union and claimed themselves to be the only way to be a Jew. The vast majority of Jews then and now reject their claim. Conversion through the other movements is not accepted by them but it is by about 90% of other Jews worldwide -- its religious politics. Prior to 1898 there was only Karaite and Rabbinic Judaism. The Reform Movement (of the the World Union for Progressive Judaism) was formed only a few years after the Orthodox because they were offended at the Orthodox claims of holding a Jewish monopoly. The majority of Jews today worldwide are Reform, second is Conservative, a distant third is Orthodox -- even though they hold greater sway in the Jewish community on matters of Law (especially in Israel). Traditionally and historically (and according to the Shulchan Aruch) one is a Jew if three rabbis form a beit din and make that determination, one is circumcised (if male) and emerges from the mikvah regardless of affiliation with any movement. The Orthodox then can dictate who they accept into their fellowships but not who is Jewish and who is not. To deny the authority of other rabbinim is not right.

The sages of Israel have always taught that every Jew was personally present at Sinai and entered into the Covenant then and for all times. One can not therefore actually "convert" into Judaism. One can only gain acceptance by other Jews as a Jew. If one was not present at Sinai to accept Torah initially, one is not a Jew -- even if one is a high ranking Haredi Rebbe. IF you (and I) are to ever "become" truly Jewish you (and I) already are according to the Jewish scholars throughout history. You (we) are simply not recognized yet by our fellows. The Orthodox can accept or reject anyone they wish into their movement, but a Jew is a Jew is a Jew. This is an ancient and well established Jewish dogma."


Until this can be resolved I feel I am at a standstill

I don't stand for the black man's side, I don' t stand for the white man's side. I stand for God's side.
-Bob Marley-

When one door is closed, don't you know, another is open.
-Bob Marley-

One act of obedience is better than one hundred sermons.
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer-

Only he who believes is obedient and only he who is obedient believes.
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer-
I am 100% nanach! Saba is King! I however am struggling here... I hope people can help..
Please help, with this. I have recently been reading about many people great people from different walks of life. People who I believe were Holy people, directly doing the work of G-d. One of these people the well known and popular Bob Marley & Dietrich Bonheoffer. One a Rastafari Christian the other a protestant Christian. Both served G-d differently but both served G-d.
One of my biggest struggles in my Journey into Judaism is , I know most usually disagree with me when I say this, but truly do know that it is true, this is that the redemption is mainly or mostly for the Jews. With the same breath one will say that loves all people. I can’t help but struggle with this idea or description of G-d. If G-d is king of the world shouldn’t he love all people equally? Now of course when I bring this up, whoever I am talking to always assures me that G-d loves all people… But answer this for me, if one is held in a higher status, a greater position then another, this is surely not a love that is equal, and surely cannot be Just. Shouldn’t the redemption be for the whole world? Now this could simply be that the original idea of the redemption possibly was to bring the Jews back to Israel and the temple to be rebuilt? So how can the redemption be for a gentile? I think the idea of the redemption has evolved over time, to mean way way more then the rebuilding of the temple etc.. To mean exactly what I am not sure maybe the redemption from this life of suffering. Does G-d love and redeem the Jew first and only secondly the gentile? A gentile can only worship G-d but not on as high of a level.. This again, seems wrong. All people ALL people were created equally.. I long to worship G-d with the deepest part of my being and yet I cannot worship at the same level as a Jew? A Jew is holier than a gentile? Holds a more special place with G-d? How can this be just? How can this be correct?
In no way am I advocating for Christianity of any form. Just coincidence I read about both these people in the last week. And although they are both christians they are very very very diffirent religions. The question for me here has nothing to do with Christianity, but something I have struggled with Judaism from the beginning. This is a HUGE mountain in my path!!! I am afraid at this point this problem must be resolved for me to continue down the path to Judaism. Please Please help.. Until this can be resolved I feel I am at a standstill, and can progress no further.

Who Am I? by Dietrich Bonhoeffer Dietrich Bonhöffer, a young theologian of great promise, was martyred by the Nazis for his participation in a plot against the life of Adolf Hitler. His writings have greatly influenced recent theological thought. This article appeared in the Journal Christianity and Crisis, March 4, 1946. Used by permission. This article was prepared for Religion Online by Ted & Winnie Brock.

Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equably, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.
Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?
Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!


Saturday, November 17, 2012

The Cry of My Heart!

When words and cries don't help, cry deep in your heart without letting out a sound.
Likutey Moharan II, 5

Who will see me, when my heart is broken before you,
Who will taste the tears streaming down my face,
Who can know my pain, and my fears,
Who can pick me up from this broken place,
This place were I am alone! I scream, Na Nach Nachma Nachman MeUman!!!!!!!!!!!
I scream Hashem!!!!!! Saba!!!!!!!!!!! Rebbe Nachman!!!!!!!!!!!! Some one hear me!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone!!!!!!!!!!!! Help!!!!!!!!!!! I dunno what to do....
My heart longs only for you Hashem, and yet you seem so far,
So many times my heart breaks, and I want to give up!
And so I do.... Only to start again tommorow.
Hashem I love you..
Do you love me?
Are you there?
Who can save me from such pain,
Who can save me from such longing, such a yearning I could cease to live,
Who can love me like you Hashem,
Who can deliver me from all my fears,
Only you Hashem... Only you...
You are more heart, my soul, my every breath... Without you I cannot even live... Without you I don't exist...
I love you... do you hear me? where are you? I need you my love.
by Yaakov

What is Good? Orthodox Conversion?.....

A person shouldn't take upon himself added stringencies, as our Rabbis taught 'The torah was not given to angels. This can make him fall from his service of Hashem. The greatest wisdom of all wisdoms is not to be wise at all, rather to be pure and honest with simplicity. (LM2 44)
‎6'Wherewith shall I come before HaShem, and bow myself before G-d on high? Shall I come before Him with burnt-offerings, with calves of a year old? 7 Will HaShem be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousands of rivers of oil? Shall I give my first-born for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?' 8 It hath been told thee, O man, what is good, and what HaShem doth require of thee: only to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy G-d.
(Mikah 6:6-8)

The original post here I removed. A very good friend answered all my questions I was struggling with. Thanks for checking it out!



Friday, November 9, 2012


You may be good, pious people, but that was not my intention. My intention was that you should be the kind of people who roar out to God for entire nights, like animals in the forest.
Siach Sarfey Kodesh 1-120
WE must keep on hoping! Never Despair! HOPE!! HOPE!!!! Hashem hears my prayers! I know he does... It is taking awhile but things are moving! "THE WOLD IS A NARROW BRIDGE, THE MAIN THIS IS NOT TO BE AFRAID", ( or one could say not lose hope).
Your loving friend

Blah...Blah..Blah... Restore my soul please!

When a person falls from his level he should know that this is sent from Heaven.
The purpose of the apparent rejection is to draw him closer. The reason for the fall is to spur the person to make even greater efforts to draw closer to God.
The thing to do is to make an entirely new start. Start serving God as if you had never started in your whole life. This is one of the most basic principles of serving God. We must literally begin all over again every day.
Likutey Moharan I, 261
Latley everything feels so grey! So Blah! I feel like I am slowly dying inside! That I am losing hope! Like my dreams will never come through. I will never be a Jew and never live in Israel! Maybe G-d doesn't want me I dunno. Suprisingly as depressing as this sounds I feel ok about it. Really I do. I am not depressed, Everything just feels so blah! blah! So grey! lacking color and excitment! I am very much trying to hang on, but I feel my grip slipping! G-d pleae give me strength to hang on! I don't know that I would call it depression, just a lack, a hole somthing empty... The fire in me is or feels like it is buring out. I don't want this! I don't want it at all! I grasping for anything to hang on too! I am reading all the books possible listinening to all the music (which I have already listned to a million times in depserate need of more!) I am trying, to hang on! I even made designated study times and matierial to be more disicplined! I truly am ok, I just feel like part of me is missing, is dead, or dying, G-d please bring it back to life... Until then I am waiting..., and hoping...G-d Restore my soul!
Thanks my friends for listnening