Friday, November 30, 2012
G-d be with me
"I did not look at this world, at reknown and pride and importance and fame, to the contrary this had no value for me, I valued only truth..."
We will pray to G-d that He give us people of truth, faithful and true. I saw people faithful to G-d and to the Torah and they have true faith, I need to hear words of truth that will enter my heart, not words of inanity.
As you know I am deeply troubled about being Jewish and such. At this point there seems to be no way out. I don't know how or why Hashem would do such a terrible thing to me but I suppose as bad as it seems it must be for my own good. The thing is I only want truth! I am interested in nothing else! Not religion either! I suppose I can have truth without being a real Jew. And so I believe at least for now this must be my ultimate direction. I am unsure of what the future holds... Only G-d knows, that I have sought after him with all my being. I have tried to be true to his voice and find him in all places. My love for him is deeper then the deepest ocean and after all I must believe he knows this. If I still have not merited to join the jewish people then it is his will, and his will is mine as well. I will continue to plea with him daily but I think maybe I must move on.. There is truth in nanach! When I dance to nanach the whole world disapears, when I read saba's words or watch his videos or read rebbe nachman everything seem brighter. I love nanach, Saba, Rebbe Nachman & I always will. But until G-d will let me in, It seems the place I am in, is exactly where I am suppose to be. I will not call myself a noahide mainly because I believe the term seem less then, wether or not intended that way. I will say I am a man, who is deeply in love with his G-d, Such a love that all other things dissapear in light of that. For me, there is nothing else. G-d be with me.
May I merit to be a Real Jew soon!!!