Tears

"Though He slay me I will trust in Him."

-Job-

Ok... If you do not know my story please go to my very first blog post here... http://nanachnoahidetojudaism.blogspot.com/2012/09/a-little-background-information.html

and here http://nanachnoahidetojudaism.blogspot.com/2012/09/immersion-into-holiness-holy-of-holies.html

Ok so maybe I am crazy... it certainly seems that way!! I am in such a prison... Once can not imagine the deapth of my pain!!! Fanatic fine maybe but I cannot help it! Who in the world can one love as much as my G-d! None it is not even a little possible!

Hashem has stolen my heart!!! One says to be faithful in a marriage but when the love of your life, is the G-d of the world how can it compare? Doesn't that sound wonderful? I assure you however it is not! I live in prison! In constant torture! Surely my sins I being purified! Oh for all my sins it would cost me my whole life! God my love and king have mercy on me!

The orthodox will not have me, And the conservative I cant get a conversoin with cause it wont be vailid? Why? And even if I did it truly is not possible to keep the whole torah not in a communtiy and not married to a Jew with at Jewish family...

Do I sound ungrateful? Like a bad Husband or father!? I promise I love them all! With my whole heart just as well... Or else why would I still be here in this place... Oh God the pain is great, but still I love... Have mecy on me God of my life and love of my heart and deliver me from this prison!!!

Do I sound a bit dramatic??? Maybe I am exagerating!? Let me ask you does the spirit of the words I speak, seem to be so? Oh my heart is broken... I feel as nothing is left.... Oh God save me..

"Though He slay me I will trust in Him."
-Job-

Yaakov