So here is a quick run down of my story.... I grew up in a non-religous home as a kid... I got into alot of trouble, met a girl when I was 17. We got married had 4 kids together. After my first kid, I started going to church..., (by the way my oldest is 11 yrs. His name is chandler, then Jociline she is 10 yrs, the Makayla who is 7 yrs and Rose who is 4 yrs.) I got "saved" and did the church thing heavily for awhile till it got old... then got out of it for awhile only to return full on and then to become part of the staff and a intern to be a pastor. I led two mission trips to mexico, to build houses for the poor and "minister" to people. Though my last trip was a tough one, I had started comming into Judaism and learning alot about the xan faith that I couldn't make work! way to many contradictions... However I stuck with a little longer and finally, I could take it no longer, Judaism had stolen my heart! I resigned my position in the church, and quit going..
I began to study Judaism alot!! It was a little harder to "get in" then I thought it woud be. I kept getting rejected! You see the problem here was..., my wife, didn't want to convert! She is still, even to this day a christian. Orthodox conversion, not happening.I began to think maybe G-d didn't love me as much? Or maybe...well I didn't know. Maybe there was a religion out there for this gentile that would let me in.. So I began my search... Eastern religions, etc..., But Hashem kept calling me home. I had all kinds of wonderful expierences in which Hashem would speak to me in that still small voice or through mircles etc..! Finally through my searching, I had no choice but to come home, And the truth is, I am still coming home...
The path is filled with obstacles! Just when you think you are there BAM!!! You get hit by a mack truck doing 60!!! First and formost, One should know that one only needs Rebbe Nachman in this world! Rebbe Nachman is the only one who can help! (and of course G-d! But when Rebbe Nachman is helping it is Hashem who is Helping) There are many, many Rabbis out there who will hurt you.. They will only help you for money! Or treat you less! Or maybe even be nice to you but you kinda get the feeling you are second class!! This is true!! If you havent expierenced yet you will! But the truth is... The world has gone crazy! The Rabbis Corrupt! Now I am not saying all Rabbis are corrupt! Some of my nanach friends may disagree, but I think some of them are genuinly good people, just misguied! The blind leading the blind!
The truth is Nanach! That is it! One day I was surfing you tube looking for Jewish videos or something and I came across these crazy looking Hassidic Jews dancing in the street! I loved the song so I listned and watched the video often, it made me happy! One day I decided to google these guys. I googed Nanach and I actually got a website!!! I was blown away!!! I thought the whole thing must be some big joke!!! The website is here nanach.net and also nanach.org! After reading this I thought wow These guys are out there! but the more you learn, the more you understand!! We really shouldn't expect the truth to be so easy to find! If it was, everyone would know the truth already! Holiness, is somthing we half to come into, slowly and in stages, in a process. One cant go from wicked to Holy in a second.., it takes time, the Holy is veiled!!!
So I began to tell people about nanach! They would say that is crazy! who can believe such a thing! But the truth is, most these people where xans (chrstians) Who believed the whole resurrection story! Who's crazy here anyway huh? LOL! So what is Nanach? Well stay tuned and I will tell you!
So to sum it up here. I am married with 4 children. I have been married for 11 years together 12 and a half yrs. I love her very very much. My wife does not want to convert, she is a (chrstian). I do, I want to move to Israel she doesnt. The problem this creates is I cannot get a orthodox conversion as long as I stay married to her unless she converts. Talk about impossible! well please stay tuned for what is nanach and more about the noahide and nanach!
Pz
Na Nach Nachma Nachman MeUman!
Yaakov
" They will only help you for money! " This has not been my experience at all. The overwhelming majority of the ones I know have helped me with kind of issues for free, not even asking for a donation. What kind of help are you referring to that they want money for?
ReplyDeletewell what I mean is the first time I met with a orthodox rabbi, I had give a donation, not a huge one but he didnt really name a price.. I was going to cancel cause I didn't have the money then, he told me that he would take a post dated check, so that what I did. I gave him a post dated check to meet with me in a starbucks for about a hour. paid a few more times, then after I told him i couldn't meet I just didn't have the money, He said lets keep meeting anyway. But serisouly the very Idea that I had to pay him to begin with is not moraly right for me! I understand they got live, but somthing just sits wrong with charging for religous council or learning. There have been those who helped for free such as Rabbi Moshen who is a great guy. but most the rabbis I have talked to never actually help with anything. the only thing they usaually say, is stuff that makes me feel less, and or want money. Or push me off on someone else. For instance, how much does it cost to convert??!! that is crazy!!! I understand some cost, kinda not really but whatever, but the amount charged is absolutley RIDICULOUS!!! Peddling Torah for Money, Power, and Honor is wrong! Not that they all do it as I said above, Most my expierences however with emailing or talking on the phone, or meeting in person have usaully left me more broken then when I started, with the exception of Rabbi Moshen.
DeleteI've had some similar experiences with $ for spiritual advice/torah learning, but I've also had more experiences where money was not a factor at all. I was put through yeshiva for 3 years - free room, free meals, free education and I didn't give them a penny (because I had nothing to give) and they didn't make me commit to giving them anything in the future either. Now that I am working I do send them small donations periodically. I wish I could send them bigger donations. There are several free programs where people will learn torah with you for free. Partners in Torah is one. They are out there.
ReplyDeleteThere is often a big difference between a rabbi that teaches at a yeshiva and a congregational rabbi. The rabbi that teaches you in yeshiva often really becomes your friend/big bother/father. I think this is the kind of rabbi you're looking for. A congregational rabbi is much more burdened with community affairs and problems and has much less time for the individual although they do spend time with individuals. The yeshiva rabbi concentrates on individuals. The congregational rabbi has much much less time for individuals. This accounts for your experience I believe. Also, rabbis on the internet are not yeshiva rabbis, most don't have the time to really get to know you and work with you personally. Internet rabbis are much closer to congregational rabbis than to yeshiva rabbis. Congregational rabbis have a different function than a yeshiva rabbi. I know good and sincere congregational rabbis too even though they might be misguided when it comes to Rabbi Nachman. But usually they don't have the time to give you everything you are looking for spiritually. They are not set up for that. Maybe they'l be able to meet with you privately once a week for an hour but not so much more than that due to huge load of their communal responsibilities.
I am moved by the way you are so open about your life.
ReplyDeleteThe big issue is your marriage. It would be awkward to discuss that on the public internet. So, feel free to email me if you want to discuss with a potential friend.
This is something Andrew is right. As you want an Ortho Conversion it is required that both wife and hus join it if you want to have a Jewish marriage with this same person you are now.Even though when a potential convert starts to study Judaism, he/she receives a new soul and we never know if both are going to be compatible in the end of the process.Otherwise what I would advise you is to wait and be patient with her.It can take months, years...as you have small children teach them the ways of Hashem and your wife will be moved by it if she has a Jewish soul and you'll have a nice surprise in the end.Otherwise, Hashem will show you another way, another path to resolve this.NNNNM!
ReplyDeletethanks everyone for your responses! Your words all give such strength, I hope mine can help you! As friends we strengthen eachother! NNNNM!
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